Tag Archives: #blogmom

Why You Should Date Yourself

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Someone posted an interesting question to social media. The question posed was would you date yourself? Would I date myself? I thought about that for a moment and the answer is yes. I am a person of good character and fun to be around. I would date myself. Months later I decided to actually take myself on a date. Here’s why I believe every woman should date herself.

Self Care is Necessary Not Optional

As career women and mothers we tend to give, give, and give more. We give to our careers, we give to our children, we give to our spouses or significant others, we give to our friends, but when do we give to ourselves? Taking care of self is necessary for a healthy mind, body, and soul. Once upon a time, like clockwork, I was at the salon getting my hair styled, nails manicured, and eyebrows arched. Fast forward 10 years, I have almost forgotten what the inside of a salon looks like!  Why did I stop doing these little things for myself? The answer is taking care of everything else and everyone else became priority over myself.  I believe neglecting to treat oneself  over an extended period of time can become dangerous and here’s why.

Resentment and Bitterness

Bitterness and discontent can start to fester inside of you. No one wants resentment and bitterness as their two BFF’s. I have spoken with many women who feel they have lost the essence of who they are. I have experience brief periods of this myself. How do we combat this? One way is by dating yourself.

My Lunch Date

One afternoon I decided to take myself to lunch. I had a nice quiet lunch at a steakhouse. The restaurant was not extremely busy, as I went during lunch in the middle of the week. It was nice to sit and be with my inner thoughts. Tranquility was present on my lunch date.  The food was pleasing to my palate.

Next I took myself shopping. This was fun! Oh how wonderful it was to shop for myself. No  stopping to take kids to the bathroom, and no questions of when are we leaving? I purchased some items that I didn’t even know I wanted. I had been so busy “doing” lately I had lost desire and want.

Here are some suggestions to have a successful date with yourself:

  1. Turn your phone off. For my next date the phone will be turned off for a couple of hours for a better experience.
  2. Do only for yourself during the date. While I was shopping I found myself thinking I wonder if I could find xyz for my daughter? or abc for my husband? I had to remind myself this is for me. All items purchased should be for me.
  3. Have fun. Enjoy the moment.
  4. Take note of your feelings during the date. I was surprised that I felt closer  to my real self and reconnected.

My goal for 2018 is to date myself more regularly.  I will no longer wait until I’m burned out. I will put it on my calendar as a regularly scheduled event.

Written by Rochella Neely
“an open book”

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Working Mom Guilt

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A few days ago I watched a television show. On this show, A female doctor was explaining why she quit practicing medicine to stay at home with her kids. As she told her story she was emotional. This doctor’s story resonated with me so, that it brought me to tears. Yes, working mom guilt is real and powerful.

Working mom guilt, I believe every working mother experiences it to some level. Some women learn to suppress the guilt, some learn to work with it, and others simply cannot and choose to stay home with their children.

When I had my first child the guilt was very strong. By he second not as much but still there. Here are steps that may help you work with the guilt.

Select a Childcare Provider you are Comfortable With

Knowing  you are leaving your child with a provider you feel comfortable with will help with the guilt. No one is  going to take care of your child as you, however, knowing your child is with the next best option will help. Research childcare providers and nannies, ask for referrals, check references, and do not compromise until you’ve found a good fit you and your child feel comfortable with.

You’re Doing This For Your Child Not To Your Child

One way I was able to curtail the guilt was to remind myself that I was doing this FOR my children not TO my children. It can be discouraging at first when you leave for work and your kid is hysterically crying, clenched to your body with all that they have.  What parent would not feel guilty.

I had to remind myself children are expensive. Two incomes for my household was economically best for my family. But is it emotionally best for your kids you may ask?

Learning to Deal with the Separation Will Help Long- Term

Going to work and allowing your child to experience separation from their parents can be healthy for the child and you. The child will adjust and learn to trust that the parents will come back. Time around other individuals and/or children will expose the child to develop other healthy relationships early on.

One of the most joyous feelings is to come home or pick your child up and see, hear, and feel the excitement your child has to see you. My 2 year old will normally run and screammommy, my mommy, you are back and give me a great big bear hug. The  best feeling in the world!

Do What is Best For Your Family

Every family dynamic is different. If you decide you cannot bear the guilt when your little one is crying uncontrollably “mommy don’t go!” Should you choose to stay home with your little one that is fine. There is no denying the fact kids grow up quickly. Being a working mom you will miss some things. I believe every working mom wishes she could work and not miss one second of her child’s childhood. The reality of the matter is we all have to make a choice and that choice is  custom to our families. I would love to hear what choice you made and if you had any regrets.

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